In The Darkness, A Light May Be Present
by You.Can't.Hear.Me.Screaming
Summary: Hikaru finds it odd that his brother hasn't come into his room yet...He decides to investigate and prays his brother is just having a dreamless sleep. However, among finding his brother, he finds that his hopes are far from what reality has in store...
1. Chapter 1

In The Darkness, A Light May Be Present

Chapter 1:

**(A.N:**_** Sorry about how this looks when posted…I went through hell trying to get it to post though**_**…I'm not on my laptop, because it is basically a piece of crap as of now and won't turn on…Yay. **_**I'm using number signs as a way of separating the story, just so everyone is aware of what those are there for.**_** So, anyways, I am on the desktop in my dining room…How thrilling is that? Not at all, I know. Okay, I think I am done ranting and rambling, please, enjoy the fanfic).**

_Maybe he wasn't meant to understand._

_Maybe he wasn't meant to understand why he was alone. Why his world was shattering all around him. Why his friends stared at him the way that they did. Maybe he could have saved him…_

_Maybe…_

**##**

He wasn't used to this. It wasn't very often that Hikaru found himself wandering to his brother's room. Usually this happened the other way around, with Kaoru coming to him about a nightmare.

_But tonight, Kaoru hadn't knocked._

Hikaru usually just stayed up waiting for Kaoru. An hour or two after everyone said they were going to bed, Kaoru would show up at Hikaru's door. Tonight was different. Tonight, Hikaru waited for an hour, then two…Then three…

When the fourth hour hit, Hikaru was a little anxious. He hoped his brother was getting a very good sleep, and that that was the only reason as to why he hadn't shown up…But Hikaru couldn't help but feel like that wasn't the case. _Something didn't feel right._

When he raised his hand to knock, he paused, feeling his stomach twisting itself into knots. He took a deep breath, and forced himself to knock.

_No answer._

Maybe Kaoru was sleeping…He knocked again. Still, no answer. He very gently opened the door, and poked his head into Kaoru's room. No sign of his twin in bed…He heard something though…

He stepped into the room, leaving the door slightly ajar.

"Kaoru?" He questioned, stepping towards the sound. His stomach was in knots. The sound returned. A gut wrenching sound of someone getting sick…Coughing…

"Kaoru?" He called a little louder.

"In here," a raspy voice called from behind the bathroom door. Hikaru's feet carried him to the door, but he felt like he was moving in slow motion. When he finally reached the door, he twisted the doorknob, and pulled. With the door hanging open, Hikaru stared at the scene before him.

_Blood._

An almost metallic scent seemed to be stirring itself around in his brother's private bathroom. There was blood in the sink, where the water was running, trying to wash it away, down the drain. And Kaoru was curled around the toilet.

Red poured from his mouth as he let out another guy wrenching sound.

Hikaru had believed Kaoru had been throwing up when he heard him…But now he understood why his stomach was twisting. He'd been right. There was something wrong. Something was terribly wrong.

_Kaoru was throwing up blood._

"KAORU!" Hikaru announced, panicked. Kaoru began coughing again. It almost sounded like his lungs were trying to escape his very body. Hikaru didn't know how to help his brother. All he knew was that his brother was in critical condition. He needed help…

Hikaru tore himself away from the bathroom, and nearly ripped Kaoru's bedroom door off of its hinges in his haste to get help.

"HELP!" He screamed, staggering into the hallway,

"SOMEONE HELP!" He started running in the general direction of Kyouya's bedroom. He kept on stumbling and slamming into walls and doors, waking others as he continued on his way. He knew there was a good chance of Kyouya being livid for being woken up like this. But his brother could be dying, and Kyouya knew the greatest of Doctors.

"KYOUYA!" Hikaru called, as he reached the door. He began bashing his fist on the door,

"KYOUYA, HELP! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!!"

**##**

Kyouya's eyes opened, and he was immediately ticked. Why had one of the twins decided to come to his bedroom door to pound on it, while yelling? He glared at the door until what was being said caught his attention.

"KYOUYA! HELP! KAORU NEEDS A DOCTOR! HELP!!"

So, it was Hikaru at the door then. He quickly peeled off his blankets and grabbed his cell phone. He guessed he wasn't really surprised by Hikaru's actions. Kaoru meant the world to him, and Hikaru wasn't the most rational man on the planet. Kyouya headed to the door, pulling it open. His eyes focused on Hikaru's expression and his thoughts proved him right.

In some ways, Hikaru was still just a _child._

(A.N: R&R? Please?)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

By now everyone was awake. Kyouya had called the hospital, to make sure that some of his Doctors would be in charge of taking care of Kaoru. Now, everyone sat at the dining table. No one spoke. Maids had been summoned to clean up the mess, and now - as they worked upstairs - the main floor had fallen into silence.

Everyone was filled with worry. They knew Kaoru was Hikaru's world, and vice versa. That's how the twins had always been. Always together, since birth.

No one spoke. They hardly _breathed._ Hikaru sat with his head clasped between his hands, and his elbows on the table. He was staring at the tablecloth. But he didn't see the usual white pureness that he was used to. He saw red. _Blood red._ Splatters in the sink, colouring the toilet…_Kaoru's_ blood. His head was spinning 'round, and 'round, though he knew somewhere in his sub consciousness that his hands were firmly holding his head in place. _Kaoru._ Kaoru could be dying, right now, and he was just sitting here, doing _nothing_…He felt so useless…

Haruhi watched with sad eyes as Hikaru went through an internal battle. She knew how he was feeling, to an extent. She'd lost her Mother ten years ago. But she didn't spend the entirety of her life growing up with her Mother, she hadn't been that fortunate. Of course, that didn't mean that she'd loved her Mother any less than Hikaru loved Kaoru, or vice versa. But the situations were slightly different. Still, it pained her to watch him suffering.

Hikaru gripped the sides of his head. His fingers were pressing against his flesh so hard that he was sure he'd end up with small bruises. He didn't care though. Kaoru was in a hospital, throwing up blood. He could definitely handle some bruising if his twin was suffering _that much_ in comparison. His whole body was shaking. He was past trembling. His body was throwing him into tremors. He felt like his whole body wanted to turn itself inside-out. Every inch of him was in pain. He racked his brain for some sense of stability, some sense of sanity…

_It didn't surprise him that he had none left._

The rest of the Host Club watched in panic as Hikaru's body began shaking uncontrollably. They didn't know what to do, but everyone got up out of their chairs. Hikaru's body shook so badly that soon his chair went toppling over, sending the male to the floor. He detached his body from the chair, and tucked his legs beneath him, his head down at his knees as he tried to regain control of himself. But his thoughts all focused on one person.

_Kaoru._

He was hurt. Why hadn't he told anyone that he thought something was wrong? Why didn't he go to the hospital beforehand? Had he _wanted_ to die?

"No…No…_NO_…_**NO!!**_ "

"HIKARU!" Haruhi announced, placing herself in front of him. She reached out to him, placing a hand on the back of his shoulder. His shakes slowed.

"Don't touch me," he told her through clenched teeth. The shakes were fading out to a tremble.

"Hikaru…" Haruhi whispered. She was only trying to help him…

"_Don't touch me!"_ Hikaru announced, ripping himself upright and away from her. He needed to be alone. He didn't want to be near anyone. Especially not anyone who wasn't Kaoru. He could barely control himself as he turned and started running off in the direction of his room.

Haruhi stared after him.

--

When he next opened his eyes, a sea of familiar faces greeted him. He was hooked up to a few different tubes. There was an IV in one of his arms, he could tell. And his other hand was being held by one of the people in the room…

"KAORU! You're awake…" A familiar voice spoke from beside him. Kaoru turned his head, and his eyes met with the amber eyed, mirror image of himself.

"Hikaru…Don't yell, okay? I'm fine, really," Kaoru's tired voice told him, as he smiled a bit. He was glad to see that Hikaru was just as dependent as ever, but at the same time, a part of him was churning because of this fact. His brothers hands were warm, and he was grateful for the warmth, but it didn't ease the pain inside of him. Not the pain of the illness, nor the pain of his thoughts. His brother was incomplete without him, and both of them knew it. _Everyone_ knew it.

Behind Hikaru, Haruhi stood, watching Kaoru with sad looking eyes. He knew why she looked so upset. Her friend was lying in the hospital…And she'd lost her Mother once upon a time. Kaoru knew that it wouldn't be easy for Haruhi to see him like this, and he felt bad that she had to. Tamaki was behind her, also watching Kaoru with a sad expression. Kaoru supposed this was because, to Tamaki, the club was his family…And to lose one of them, well, it was going to really hold out an effect on him…

As Kaoru turned his head, he saw the rest of the host club on the other side of him. Honey was sitting, his big, brown eyes looked like they were restraining tears. Mori was sitting next to him, silent, but worried. Kyouya was against the wall, and he too, looked a bit upset. Kaoru looked around the room as he spoke,

"I'm happy to see everyone…I don't remember passing out, I just remembered that awful taste in my mouth. I'm sorry for worrying all of you like this…"

"Kaoru…" Hikaru's voice was sad, and he tightened his grip on his twins hand, though he was careful not to hurt him.

"Kao-chan?" Honey questioned, his big eyes expanding. His tears were becoming very clear,

"Are you going to leave us?"

"Of course not, Honey-senpai," Kaoru answered, smiling a bit more, as if to encourage his statement. His amber eyes were hard to read, but it was clear that he wasn't being fully honest about his current situation.

**(A.N: Yay for the completion of chapter 2! Yay for cliffhangers! …Please don't kill me!)**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

_**(A.N: Sorry that I took so long in getting the next chapter up…And sorry if this one is too short! The number signs mean that the scene is changing, or time is passing, or whatever. It'll make sense as you read it, I'm sure. Also, I have been consumed once again by Tsubasa Chronicles, so if you see another fanfiction starting up…Yeah, don't be too surprised. It wasn't my fault though! Fai called out to me, and then Kurogane was all: Write about us or I'll kill you! And…That didn't really happen. But now you know why I've been so distracted!)**_

Hikaru couldn't tear his eyes away from his twin. Kaoru was obviously in agonizing pain. In fact, this pain was so severe that for Hikaru, it was almost tangible. He didn't want to ever move away from his position next to Kaoru. His twins cold hand clasped between his warm ones.

A Doctor had been in earlier.

_The news had not been good._

The Doctors were having trouble locating where all of the blood was coming from. Whenever they thought they might be getting closer to figuring things out, Kaoru's body convulsed, and he needed them to move away so that he could throw up more blood. The process was ongoing, and at the rate that his body was deteriorating…

_Things were looking grim._

As Hikaru watched his brother, the others moved off to the wall. None of them wanted to leave the room, but they also didn't want to be in the way of the twins. Hikaru needed to be as close to Kaoru as he could be.

Every second felt like a minute. And every minute felt like another hour.

Kaoru's body twitched.

"Kaoru?" Hikaru questioned, knowing something was terribly wrong. Kaoru's body gradually labored itself into convulsions. Hikaru stared wide eyed. What he was witnessing…It was _petrifying…_

"KAORU!!" Hikaru announced, not knowing what he should do. He was panicking. Kaoru ripped his hand away from his twin, and covered his mouth. His eyes were wide with fear…

With his other hand, he pointed a trembling finger at an empty garbage can on the floor. Haruhi followed his silent directions, and rushed to the garbage can, picking it up. She set it in Kaoru's lap, holding it so that the open end faced him. Kaoru gripped the edges of it, his back arching as he hurled up another round of blood.

Haruhi stayed to one side of him. Carefully, she pressed the button that would summon a nurse to help Kaoru. When this was completed, she gently brushed her fingers through Kaoru's auburn hair.

"Help is on the way," she told him quietly.

He nodded, his back arching again as he threw up more blood.

_**##**_

The Doctors had recommended that the group split itself up into smaller groups. They explained that it was too much for the patient to see that many people at a time. The large group retreated to the waiting room.

"The Doctors are right, that _was_ too many people to have coming in at a time, so maybe we should split ourselves up into groups," Kyouya spoke from his seat in one of the waiting rooms chairs.

"Takashi and I will be a group," Honey spoke, from his position on Mori's shoulders.

"Mm," Mori agreed.

"Haruhi and I will be a group as well!" Tamaki announced.

"I'd rather go alone, senpai," Haruhi answered monotonously.

Tamaki was sulking in a corner before anyone else could speak.

"Tamaki and I will be a group," Kyouya spoke again. There was an underlying message to the way he said those words. He was really saying: _I'll keep the idiot under control._

"I want to go alone," Hikaru told them quietly. Everyone looked to him. Haruhi nodded in agreement,

"He's your brother, so it only makes sense. I'll go alone too, I don't mind doing that."

_**##**_

When Honey and Mori walked out of Kaoru's room, and back into the waiting area, Tamaki and Kyouya stood to go and see him next.

As they left, Honey and Mori sat down. Haruhi was surprised to find that Honey was being _extremely_ quiet. He was staring down at the floor, and Mori was sitting wordlessly beside him.

She did what she only thought natural. She gently reached over and placed a hand on Honey's back. Sure enough, the small, blonde boy turned his head to face her. His big, brown eyes were full of tears.

"Honey-senpai, it's okay if you need to cry," she told him gently.

"Haru-chan…" Honey answered sadly, his tears slipping down his cheeks.

"HARU-CHAN!" He announced as he threw his arms around her, burying his face against her shirt.

"Honey-senpai…" Haruhi hugged the small blonde close, feeling rather sorry for him. He probably wasn't that used to the concept of death. He was so used to everything being happy, so something this _severe_ must be_ plummeting_ his world into darkness.

As she sat holding the small blonde, Haruhi felt a wave of nostalgia washing over her.

She had been in this position once before…Hadn't she?

_**##**_

Tamaki and Kyouya finally emerged from Kaoru's room. Tamaki looked just about as devastated as Honey did.

_That wasn't a good sign._

He took a seat, but he didn't seem to be_ seeing_ anything. His eyes were very far away. Kyouya took a seat next to him, looking much more conscious, but also looking _miserable._ He turned his dark eyed gaze on Haruhi,

"He wants to see you next," he informed her.

Haruhi nodded, and looked down to Honey,

"Honey-senpai? Kaoru wants to see me now…Okay?"

The small blonde nodded and his arms slowly detached from Haruhi. As she stood, she watched the small blonde sitting there, crying. Mori put an arm around him, and Honey gladly turned to him for comfort.

Haruhi – knowing now that the boy was in good hands – started towards Kaoru's room. As she was walking, that wave of nostalgia that had hit her earlier, started to make more sense.

She _had_ been in that position before, no doubts about it now. However, the role she'd played in _that_ scenario, did not match the role she played in_ this_ one. The first scenario had happened about ten years ago. She had been crying, and her Father had been the one holding onto her…

_It had been shortly after her Mother had died._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_**(A.N: **__**IMPORTANT:**____**Please do not read this if you have not watched past episode 15 in the **__**anime series! I do make mention of things from episodes 15, 16 & 26!! Also! I would like to warn you of relationships that occur in this fanfic!! Hikaru and Kaoru do share a moment, but I would like to make this point extremely clear to everyone right now! **__**I DO NOT SUPPORT INCEST OR TWINCEST IN ANY FORM WHATSOEVER. For whatever reason though, I WILL allow Hikaru and Kaoru to be twincest and the thought doesn't bother me.**__** I know that's weird, but I'm weird, get used to it. **__**Also, YES I am making Kyouya and Tamaki gay.**__** I like that pairing, so lay off. Also, number signs are scene changes or time passing, you guys remember the drill. Hope you enjoy the chapter!)**_

"Haruhi," Kaoru's feeble voice reached out to her from across the room. She gently shut the door behind herself, and approached the seat beside Kaoru's bed.

"Kaoru…" She set her brown eyes on his amber ones. She tried to understand why he didn't tell anyone that something was wrong.

_But all she could see was his pain._

"What's wrong?"

"…This is wrong, Kaoru. Why didn't you tell anyone that you were hurt? Why didn't you come to the hospital to find out what was wrong? No one wants you to be here, like _this_…"

"Haruhi…" He paused, reaching out to touch her hand. He held on to her as he tried to explain,

"Growing up, my brother and I…We've been all each other has ever had…We knew – Well…We thought we knew – that no one…No one would _ever_ be able to tell us apart…" Kaoru gave her a small smile,

"So when _you_ came around…We were impressed…You changed our _lives_, Haruhi." He paused to take a breath. His chest was killing him. His lungs were sore, and his heart felt heavy.

"Hikaru is…He's such a _child._ If anyone knows that, it's me. But you know…He cares about you…A lot," Kaoru told her, squeezing her hand slightly,

"I'm sorry Haruhi…For not going to get help…I should have, and I know…I know that now…But I didn't want to go to the hospital alone…And at the same time, I didn't want…For anyone to go with me…I didn't want anyone to be there to hear that I was going to…"

Haruhi reached out with her free hand, to brush Kaoru's bangs out of his vision. There were tears slipping past his eyes now.

"I'm…Such a _selfish_ creature…" He cried,

"I'll be leaving behind my brother…_My best friend_…And how can I expect him to be okay without me?" Kaoru was full of regret, and it was all so _clear_ to Haruhi. She wished she could make everything better, but there was nothing she could do to save him…

"_I'm his other half…" _Kaoru choked. Haruhi gently wiped the tears from one of his cheeks, seeing as the other was against his pillow.

"Kaoru…" She didn't even know what to _say._ The last time she'd lost someone important, she had been able to turn to her Father. Cry to him, and have him make her feel like maybe – _just maybe_ – things were going to be okay.

_Could she really play that role to someone else now?_

"Haruhi…Can you do something…For me?" He looked to her, his eyes begging…

She nodded, unable to find her voice.

"I want you to…Watch over him…When I'm not here anymore…" Kaoru whispered through his tears.

Haruhi's eyes stung. Kaoru was before her, in a mess of tears. He had grown on her. She had – at first – been a bit _bothered_ by the twins. They were a nuisance, and their relationship confused her. In fact, it probably confused a lot of people. But…They had slowly grown on her. They had become some of her closest friends. They had proved that she was important to them. Kaoru had shoved her out of the way of a vase that was falling from a window, earning himself a cut on his cheek. Hikaru had become jealous over Arai, and had left Haruhi out in a storm…However, he had come looking for her…And apologized. He'd given her his headset so that the sound was blocked out…

When Tamaki was going to leave Ouran with Lady Éclair…Guards were ordered to protect Lady Éclair, which – in short – meant that they were ordered to keep the club members from coming after Tamaki. When the guards had surrounded the club, it was Hikaru who had taken her by the arm, to move her so he was standing in front of her instead.

The twins together had covered her. A rather _protective_ stance.

And when she and the twins had left on the carriage…Kaoru had been the one to hold onto her, while his brother drove. Even when the carriage hit a bump, and sent Hikaru flying, Kaoru had held Haruhi down, trying to keep her safe...

Tears rolled carelessly down her cheeks, as she held Kaoru's hand,

"I will…" She told him quietly, her voice sounded so broken…

"_I'll watch over him…" _She agreed, trying not to cry anymore.

"Thank you, Haruhi…"

_**##**_

Haruhi left Kaoru's room wordlessly, and returned to the waiting room. However, upon reaching said room, she found that only Hikaru and Kyouya remained.

"I've called for a car," Kyouya explained,

"Everyone is in it already, so we were waiting for you…" He paused for just a small moment before he continued,

"Arrangements have been made, so that Hikaru can stay with his brother tonight."

_That definitely wasn't good._

Haruhi didn't answer, and Hikaru headed off to Kaoru's room. Kyouya went to Haruhi, touching her shoulder, gently. She followed his lead, as he took her towards the hospital doors.

_**##**_

"Hikaru…" Kaoru was so happy to see his brother. He wiped at his eyes weakly, as his brother came to his bedside. Kaoru eased himself to one side of the bed, and pat the space beside him, wanting his brother to be beside him. Hikaru lowered himself gently onto the mattress, lying down.

His arms were immediately around his twin.

He didn't bother with wiping the tears away from his eyes. He didn't see the point. There _was_ no point. There was just Kaoru, and that was all that mattered right now. And he was lying in this hospital bed…_Dying…_

"Hikaru…" Kaoru's arms wrapped around his brother, his face was buried against his chest,

"I'm sorry," he whimpered,

"_I'm so sorry…"_

_**##**_

When Kyouya opened one of the doors for her, Haruhi climbed into the car, and looked to her left. A figure was sitting beside the window, silently. Someone dressed in a t-shirt, pants, and shoes…Nothing fancy, really. Someone with long, reddish hair. Someone Haruhi had known for a long time…

"Dad…?"

Kyouya closed the door. Haruhi barely noticed as she stared in wonder at the man she would recognize anywhere as her Father.

"Kyouya had the car come to collect me before it came to the hospital to pick everyone up. He said that it would probably be best if I was here for you…Considering…"

So Kyouya had been looking out for her…

Her Father moved himself a bit closer. He reached out, and pulled her into a loving hug,

"You can cry, Haruhi. No one can hear you in here, except for me."

Suddenly Haruhi felt like a little girl again. Here was her Father, ready to be her full blown support…Without question…Without compromise…

"Dad…" She whimpered, wrapping her arms around him.

_She couldn't hold back on the tears._

_**##**_

Kyouya sat down next to the blonde. He had set up the sitting arrangements in the different sections of the car. Haruhi was with her Dad. Honey was with Mori. And of course, he was with…

He heard the male crying.

He lowered his right shoulder slightly, and with his left hand, reached out to the blonde, moving his head to rest against his shoulder. Tamaki was surprised, but he found comfort in Kyouya's actions. This was his best friend. The male who he spent the most time around. Kyouya's right hand found Tamaki's left hand. Tamaki closed his weary eyes.

Kyouya smiled a little, despite the situation. He wasn't in the least bit happy that Kaoru was in the hospital. He wasn't happy that he knew before anyone else did, that Kaoru was going to die, and soon. However…What made him smile, even if it was just that little bit…

Was the blonde, resting on his shoulder.

Tamaki was relying on him, and he liked that he was the one to comfort the male. He liked the pressure of the males head on his shoulder. He liked the feeling of holding the males hand.

_**##**_

"Hikaru?" Kaoru questioned his brother gently. He was lying with his head and arms on his brothers chest. Hikaru's arms were wrapped securely around him.

"Yeah?"

"You still love me…Right?"

"…Why wouldn't I?"

"Because…I didn't get help…And now I'm…" Kaoru didn't want to say the word in front of Hikaru. He was in enough pain having to see him this way. Saying the word would be the end of everything in Kaoru's eyes…

Hikaru stroked his fingers through Kaoru's auburn hair,

"Kaoru…We've been together since birth…I'm always going to love you."

Kaoru smiled. He should have known that that would be his brothers answer. They were always together. And their relationship was so far beyond what anyone could ever understand. They loved each other, because they were twins, because they had been all each other had ever had, for the longest time. Because they had been together since birth. Because…Because they had grown up with only each other on their minds.

The world could be such a _cruel_ place, and it had taken them so long to find acceptance.

Something had been _bound_ to occur in the meantime.

It wasn't that there was a _physical_ relationship between the two. They weren't sexual. Sure, when they were hosting, they made it _sound_ as though they were sexual…However, they were hosts…It was their_ job_ to _entertain._ Still, the love that they shared for one another was pure, and strong.

_An unbreakable bond._

Hikaru was trying to readjust his position, without jostling Kaoru too much. Kaoru felt him moving, and lifted himself off of his brother. Hikaru fixed the pillows he had been lying on, and lied back down. Kaoru lied down next to his brother, resting against one of his arms. Kaoru reached up to his brothers face, and gingerly traced along his features. Hikaru closed his eyes. Kaoru traced his eyelids, his nose, his lips…

Kaoru leaned up, with what little strength he could muster. His lips pressed against those of his most treasured person. His amber eyes were closed.

Hikaru's eyes opened in shock. He really hadn't expected this from Kaoru…Usually he was much more devoted to _emotions_ and not physical attachment. But he guessed, in this scenario…

Hikaru returned what was being given to him.

_**##**_

The car pulled up to Haruhi's house first. She had originally been spending the night at one of the host's grand homes. There were plenty of rooms to spare in such an abode. When her Father had concluded earlier that it wasn't Tamaki's home, he had agreed without question.

She had suspected that Kyouya had had something to do with that.

But now, things had turned ugly, and she wanted to stay home with her Father. Kyouya put down his window, and Haruhi stepped over to it. Taking in the scene, she whispered,

"I'll come by the house again tomorrow."

"I'll be sure to send a car for you," he told her, handing her his cell phone. She understood and took hers out, handing it to him. They added each other into their listings, so that they could reach one another at the appropriate times.

"Just call me when you're ready to come back," he told her. She nodded, taking her cell phone back, and returning his to his waiting hand.

"Thank you, Kyouya-senpai…For knowing to call…" She didn't finish the sentence, but he understood. He nodded. Haruhi turned to her Father, and he began to lead her back to their apartment. Kyouya put his window back up.

_**##**_

As the car pulled up in front of the house, the driver came around to open the two doors. First, the section containing Mori and Honey, then the section containing Kyouya and Tamaki.

Mori emerged, with Honey in his arms. Kyouya woke Tamaki up, and stepped out of the car, waiting for him to follow. Tamaki slowly slid out of the car. Kyouya took his hand, guiding him back towards the house. Mori followed the two, carrying Honey who had fallen asleep.

_**##**_

Kyouya lead Tamaki back to his room. Once he had the door opened for the male, he lead him in. Tamaki wandered to his bed, sitting down. He untied his tie, and let it drop onto the floor. He was also trying to undo the buttons on his jacket, but his fingers kept shaking, and eventually he dropped his head.

Once again, Kyouya heard a familiar sound. He walked over to the male, kneeling in front of him. His hands carefully undid the buttons of the males jacket. As he did this, small droplets of water fell down onto his jacket, and his hands. When his task was completed he stood back up, and peeled the jacket off of the blonde. He bent to pick up the tie that had been discarded, and hung both items of clothing on the back of the chair at Tamaki's desk.

When he had returned to standing in front of the male, he outstretched a hand. Tamaki looked up at him, through his tears, in confusion. He extended his hand, and Kyouya pulled him up to his feet. With Tamaki standing, Kyouya went to the blondes bed, and pulled back the covers. As he did this, Tamaki told him quietly that he was going to the washroom to wash his face. Kyouya nodded. He heard the door close as he looked to Tamaki's pillow.

_Something was sticking out from underneath it._

Kyouya was curious as to what the male could possibly have under his pillow…Looked like a picture. His stomach tightened. A picture of Haruhi and Tamaki perhaps? That seemed the most likely possibility. He reached out and picked up the pillow.

Sure enough, Tamaki's brilliantly coloured eyes were staring back at him. The male had his arm around the back of someone's neck too.

_But that definitely wasn't Haruhi._

_**(A.N: Ahahahaha! Oh yes, another cliffhanger…PLEASE DON'T HURT ME THOUGH!)**_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_**(A.N: Okay, so I started this chapter with where I left off…Trying to develop things a bit. Tamaki and Kyouya do get OOC, but it was hard to keep them IN character with what was going on lol. Number signs mean times passing, or scenes are changing, you guys know the drill. Enjoy?)**_

Kyouya's heart was pounding against his ribcage. The picture was still sitting there. He hadn't been dreaming. He had blinked a few times to make sure that this wasn't the case. But after a few times of blinking, he realized that the picture was not going to go away.

It just _sat_ there.

When he had picked up the pillow, he had expected Tamaki to be in the picture, so that had not surprised him in the least. What _had _surprised him was who he happened to be in the picture _with…_

That _wasn't_ Haruhi.

No, in the picture, Tamaki looked happier than ever. His arm was around the back of another person's neck, and that person was smiling, just a bit. They seemed _happy._ The person beside Tamaki looked tall, slender…They had short, black hair, which compared to Tamaki's hair, was a bit more tidy. However, Tamaki's hairstyle fit him fine. The one he was next to...Kyouya was still trying to grasp the concept of what he was seeing.

_He was staring at his own reflection._

He remembered when they had taken this picture. They had become very close friends, no one had ever made Kyouya truly smile before Tamaki had come along. They had become _inseparable._ Tamaki had requested Kyouya take a picture with him one day…Well, more or less, he practically _forced_ the camera into the hands of Kyouya's sister and hooked his arm around the back of the males neck. Kyouya hadn't been able to help but smile.

As Kyouya stared, there was the sound of a door opening. He didn't pay it much mind. He was still trying to regain control of the ecstatic rampage his heart was going on. This was so _déjà vu_ for him…And he knew why. It was so_ strange_ to see this image under Tamaki's pillow…

_He had the exact same photograph hidden under his pillow._

He was pulled from his trance as something dawned on him. He'd heard a door, but no footsteps. He put the pillow down next to the picture and turned himself around. Sure enough, Tamaki was standing outside of the bathroom, leaning against the wall. When Kyouya turned to face him, he dropped his head, and the male _swore_ he heard him _crying…_

"Tamaki?" Kyouya found his voice. Well, he _sounded_ shocked…He wondered if his expression matched with how he was feeling inside. Stunned. Bewildered. _Thrilled…_

Tamaki didn't say a word. He didn't make any eye contact with Kyouya, and the male wondered if he was afraid of what he was thinking. Tamaki didn't have _any idea_ as to how Kyouya felt. It must be killing him to not know…

Tamaki slid down to the floor. He pulled his knees to his chest and buried his head in his hands. Kyouya was starting to get worried. He didn't want him to think that he was going to get _rejected._ He started walking towards him, slowly. Once he was standing in front of him, he confirmed what he'd thought he'd been hearing. Tamaki was indeed, crying.

"Tamaki?" Kyouya questioned again. Tamaki mumbled something incoherently. Even through the incoherency, Kyouya managed to grasp the general concept of what was being said. _An apology._

"You idiot. I can't understand a word of what you're saying if you don't say it loud enough."

"…_I'm sorry…"_ Tamaki whispered in a penitent voice.

Kyouya hadn't expected for him to feel like he'd been doing something _unacceptable..._

Sure, he had done something that he_ shouldn't_ have. But, Tamaki had an inaccurate idea about _what it was_ that he'd done _wrong._ It wasn't the males _feelings_ that were _bothering _Kyouya now. It was the fact that the male had never done anything_ about_ these feelings…

The raven haired male kneeled before the blonde. He reached out, gently prying one of his hands away from his head, and holding it in both of his hands.

"Kyouya?"

"You really are an idiot, you know," Kyouya told him softly,

"…And here I'd been expecting a picture of you and Haruhi…"

"…I like Haruhi…But…She doesn't feel that way about me, she's proven that. I'm just her friend. Her senpai. But you were always there, right from the time when I first started going to school with you…And I tried to make myself believe that she was the most important person to me…But…" Tamaki paused before he could continue with what he wanted to say,

"_But sometimes I just couldn't sleep at night."_

Kyouya's eyes grew a little. He hadn't been expecting Tamaki's honesty. Well, he hadn't actually been expecting anything from Tamaki to begin with. All this time, he'd watched the male throw himself at Haruhi. All this time he'd gone through a torturous, burning jealousy…That he'd had to smile through the entire time.

And all this time, he'd thought his affections were unrequited.

Kyouya went to move away. Tamaki's hand – which he'd loosened his grip on – fastened itself to one of Kyouya's hands. The raven looked at him, puzzled, but after a moment of thought, concluded that it must look like he was abandoning the blonde.

"I'm not going anywhere," he told him, trying to sound reassuring. The blonde loosened his grip, and watched as the raven haired male stood up, and outstretched a hand to him. He gladly took it and allowed the male to help him up. Once he was back on his feet, Tamaki chuckled, but the sound was without humour,

"I suppose I should go wash my face again."

"I'll still be here when you come back," Kyouya assured him. Tamaki nodded, and headed to his washroom. Kyouya wandered back to the blondes bed. He unfastened his tie, and unbuttoned his jacket. Removing both articles of clothing, he placed them on Tamaki's desk. He then unbuttoned his dress shirt. He turned his attention to the photograph once more, picking it up. Who could have ever have predicted that these two would both feel _so_…Kyouya didn't know what word he could use. There was a huge list of terms that he knew that applied to how he and Tamaki felt about one another.

This wasn't an_ infatuation_…Nor was it a _crush._ It wasn't that they were _lustful_ for one another, either. No, for Kyouya…Tamaki was his…His _soft spot_, to put things lightly. There was something about Tamaki that captivated him…He was just so…_Enchanting…_

Kyouya tried to remember a term that was used to describe the person you loved most. A word from Tamaki's mother tongue.

He was his _amour._

The bathroom door opened, and Tamaki looked up, to see if Kyouya was still there. He was. And he was staring at the picture. _Again._ This time, however, he seemed really focused. He looked like he was thinking about something in depth. Tamaki wasn't sure if that should scare him or not. He approached the male, slowly. When he reached him, he sat down beside him, leaving a bit of space between them.

Kyouya remained intent of whatever he was focusing on. He was looking at the photo, but his mind was clearly somewhere else. He was so concentrated…

Finally, he seemed to come back down to Earth. He glanced over at Tamaki, and took notice of the space that was sitting between them. He returned the picture to its hiding place, ensuring that the pillow covered it. With this task completed, he then reached out, to take the blondes hand in his.

"We should really get some sleep," he told him gently. The blondes hand gripped the bed sheet.

"I'll stay…If you want me to," Kyouya added in, hoping that would relax the male. It did. The blonde nodded silently, and Kyouya pulled his hand away, being sure to do it in a way that would not hurt the blonde emotionally. He did not want him to get the wrong idea. The raven pushed himself up onto the mattress, and pulled off his glasses. He put them down on the beside table, where he knew they'd be safe. Tamaki got up to walk around to the other side of the bed, and let himself plop down lightly. Kyouya lied himself down on his back, his arms crossed behind his head.

Tamaki lied down next to him, pulling up the covers. He didn't find his position comfortable enough, so he moved. He placed his head and his arms on Kyouya's chest and stomach. Kyouya lifted his head to look down at the male, but he didn't push him away. He wrapped one arm around him. The other hand came up to Tamaki's head. Kyouya's slender fingers brushed through the males hair. As Kyouya rested his head back against Tamaki's pillow, he heard the male let out a soft, but happy sigh.

"Kyouya?"

"Yes?"

"What were you thinking about…When I came back?"

"…" Kyouya didn't know how he should answer that. He didn't want to say _'phrases,' _because Tamaki would _undoubtedly_ start up a round of questions about what kind of phrases he meant. And besides, that didn't seem very sentimental.

He decided he'd just answer with one of the phrases he remembered reading, once upon a time.

"…Tu est le amour de ma vie," he breathed.

Tamaki's breath caught in his throat. He knew what that meant, and he understood now what Kyouya had been thinking of. He'd been trying to remember French phrases to emphasize how much he cared about _him…_

"Je t'aime," Tamaki answered shyly.

Kyouya remembered what that meant. Smiling, he whispered an answer,

"Love you too."

_**##**_

When he opened his eyes, the first thing that he could see was his hand. It had formed a loose fist on the mattress before him. He stared at his hand, and its placement. It was sitting in the middle of a huge impression…Which was shaped like a person.

His hand grew blurry. He couldn't see anything properly. All he knew was that he was heard running, and someone screaming…The sound was pitiful, and the person was_ clearly_ in great pain...

A hand fell onto his shoulder, and he thought he heard someone saying his name. He wasn't sure anymore. That person was still voicing their pain, and it was deafening…

Whoever had reached out to him was persistent. They were trying to get his attention. Why wouldn't that child just shut-up? Didn't they know that if they stopped screaming, then everything would be okay? But as he lied there, he slowly started to understand. No. That child _couldn't _stop screaming. If the child did stop screaming, than that didn't mean that anything would get any better. _No._ It was _too late_ now. Nothing could_ ever_ be okay again. He would know…

_He was the one who was screaming._

_**##**_

Haruhi climbed into the unnecessarily large vehicle that pulled up in front of her home. The driver was holding the door open for her. Once she was seated, he closed the door. Haruhi sighed, knowing to expect the worst. She had already been told by Kyouya, when she called him, that the hospital had left him a message – seeing as his phone had been turned off – explaining that they had tried their hardest, but they had not been able to save Kaoru.

This morning, she had skipped breakfast. Something she had done on two other occasions. It had taken her weeks before she could eat breakfast after her Mother had died. And she had skipped breakfast one morning, the day after Tamaki had announced the break up of the Host Club – because he was leaving to marry a woman that he barely knew.

That second occurrence had been stopped. The club was not about to let Tamaki go. They needed him. He had brought everyone together…And now, everyone was going to fall apart…

_Because one of the hosts was dead…_

_**##**_

When Haruhi stepped into Music Room # 3, the scene was heart breaking. Mori sat on a couch, with Honey beside him, clinging to his side. Kyouya's laptop was sitting abandoned on a table, and he was sitting on a couch. Tamaki was next to him, holding his hand, by the looks of things.

Hikaru was nowhere in sight.

"He's upstairs," Kyouya answered the question that Haruhi hadn't asked. She looked his way, and he had turned his head in her direction. She nodded, walking towards the rest of the group.

"Has he come down at all?" She questioned, knowing the answer. Kyouya shook his head; no. Haruhi sat down to one side of Honey, across from Kyouya.

No one knew what to do. The most painful thing that had ever happened to them as a group, they had pulled through. Tamaki wasn't married to Lady Éclair. He was still here; still a member of the Host Club, and _still_ friends with the rest of the hosts. And, by what Haruhi could see anyway, a little _more than friends_ with one host in particular.

That made her feel happy. Sure, she couldn't smile right now, but with good reason. Right now was a time for hurt, to mourn the loss of someone very important. A host. A best friend.

_A twin._

Sighing, Haruhi stood up. She didn't like the idea of Hikaru being alone. Especially if he was depressed. She started toward the staircase, and the rest of the club watched her go.

_**##**_

Who was bothering with knocking on his door? Hadn't he made himself _clear enough_ already? He wanted to be alone. He didn't want anyone to come anywhere near him. None of them could understand how he was feeling, they had lost their friend…But they hadn't lost the person they'd been closest too.

"What?" He growled. He was miserable. He hated himself, he hated everyone and everything…

The door opened, and Haruhi's head appeared from behind it,

"Hikaru?"

"What is it?" He muttered.

"I just came to see how you were holding up…" She paused for a moment, and then added,

"I know how it feels…To lose someone…So if you need someone to talk to, I'm here."

She understood, did she? She understood how it felt to lose someone who meant the entire world to you?

"You don't," he whispered. Haruhi looked to him in confusion,

"Hikaru?"

"YOU HAVE _NO IDEA _WHAT IT'S LIKE! Feeling like maybe _you_ should have been the one to _go!_ Feeling like maybe you could have done something to _help_ them! DON'T ACT LIKE YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!!"

Haruhi's eyes had grown slightly. She didn't speak. She _couldn't._ All she could do was stare. When she finally found her body again, she closed the door before she walked away from it. She then headed back down the stairs, towards the rest of the club.

Hikaru stared at the door. Had he really just lashed out at Haruhi that way? _Haruhi?_ Someone who had been trying to _comfort him_…But she didn't understand. How could she? _No._ Hikaru was _alone_ now. It was just him, and his memories.

He glanced around the room at all the photographs…All the images…

_Kaoru was in all of them._

Quickly, he went to his dresser, and ripped open a drawer. He pulled out his clothing and tossed it onto the floor. Then, he rushed around the room, gathering the pictures, and placing all of them in the drawer. He didn't want to see Kaoru. He didn't want to see him unless he could have him back.

And he _knew_ he _couldn't._

When the images were all tucked away, he shut the drawer. _Kaoru._ It was so depressing that he couldn't even look at his twins photograph anymore without feeling sick. Hell, he couldn't look at _himself_ without feeling sick.

_Himself._

There was still another problem. He didn't want to see himself.

Hikaru walked to his washroom in a trancelike state. He pushed open the bathroom door, and locked it once he'd closed it behind himself. He went to the sink. Gripping the edges of it, he looked up to face his reflection. The same auburn hair. The same amber eyes. The same face.

Only he was still alive and breathing.

He took one of his hands off the sinks edge and made a fist. Bringing it back slowly, he stared into the mirror as his reflection watched him. _Mocked him._ With a great thrust of power, he brought his fist forward, into the mirror. Glass pierced itself into his knuckles. Into his flesh. He didn't care.

_He just watched himself shatter into millions of little pieces._

_**(A.N: THANK YOU ALLY FOR HELPING ME WITH THE FRENCH BIT! Just so everyone knows, the translation **__**for tu est le amour de ma vie**__**, is **__**you are the love of my life.**__** Yes, another cliffhanger, but oh you guys love me for updating again so soon…Right?)**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**(A.N: This is an extremely short chapter…But that's why I'm posting two chapters at once)**

There was a loud crashing noise. Haruhi turned around, looking back up the staircase. The other hosts stood up, and hurried over to the stairs. Haruhi was already running back up them.

"Hikaru?!"

She threw open his bedroom door, but she couldn't see him anywhere…

It dawned on her that he was in the washroom, and she made her way over to the bathroom door slowly.

"Hikaru?" He wasn't answering, and that _scared_ her. The other hosts were arriving now, behind her, and she heard them. Heard Mori telling Honey to stay back. Heard Kyouya following her into the room, with Tamaki on his tail. She touched the bathroom doorknob, and twisted.

Nothing happened when she tried to open the door.

Panicking, Haruhi started calling out,

"Hikaru? Hikaru?! Open the door!"

Tamaki pounded a fist off of the door,

"Hikaru! Come out!"

Hikaru was locking himself away in the washroom. He backed away from the door, clutching the wrist of his injured hand. He could feel every piece of glass, and where it had positioned itself, but his hand was slowly going numb. His blood was dripping down onto the floor. It hurt, but it felt so good to be in pain. He deserved it, for not saving his brother. He deserved it, for not being the one to go. Why had Kaoru been the one to die, when he was the kinder of the two of them? In what way, did that make any sense?

His friends were calling his name, but he couldn't pay them any mind. He was too busy being tormented by his thoughts. His world was crumbling around him, and he had no way of stopping it. All of the well constructed pieces suddenly weren't as stable as they had once been.

_He wondered how long it would be until one of the pieces crushed him._

**--**

He had had the glass pulled out of his hand. He was stitched up, and in a cast and sling. His hand was messed up rather badly, and he was secretly thankful that he hadn't used his writing hand to punch the mirror. But now, he had a big ugly cast on his arm. Why did they bother with trying to stitch him back together? Couldn't they see how utterly broken he really was?

_Their efforts were in vain._

**(A.N: I KNOW THIS ISN'T REALLY A CHAPTER…BUT THAT'S WHY I'M GIVING YOU ANOTHER ONE ALONG WITH THIS ONE! SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN FOREVER…I'VE BEEN ABDUCTED BY KUROFAI!)**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**(A.N: Okay, so I'm really into KuroFai - they're my favourite pairing, ever - and so whenever I get into writing about them…I get sucked in and it's like I'm trapped. But, I didn't want you guys to go on a murderous rampage and hunt me down, and show up at my door…With weapons - sweat drop - so I'm updating Ouran! Woo! And it's going to be rather depressing…But you guys love me? -Hopeful- So, please spare me my life, and enjoy?)**

The days had melted past him, and he hadn't even noticed. He hadn't taken the time to notice. He'd been locked away in his room, with nothing but the sounds of his friends whispering outside his bedroom door, about how they were worried about him. Nothing but the sounds of water running whenever he managed to peel himself away from his mattress long enough to use his washroom. Nothing but the sounds of his stomach rumbling - which he usually tuned out. He had no need for eating. It was a senseless waste of his time. And it did him no good.

_It only kept him alive longer._

Now, here he was, staring at the clothes that had been placed on his bed. A black suit. He was supposed to put it on and then meet with his friends downstairs. His friends. When had he last seen everyone? A few days now, no doubt. Sighing, he managed to get himself into the standing position.

**--**

He reached the bottom of the staircase to find that the rest of the hosts were dressed in the same fashion as he was. Even Haruhi had turned down a dress, for a suit. He'd managed to get his suit done up, but his tie was hanging around his neck, completely undone. He couldn't quite tie his tie, his hand was still in a cast - though the sling had been removed. Haruhi approached him, giving him a sad smile,

"Hikaru…Need a hand?"

He nodded absently, and allowed her to assist him. Meanwhile, Tamaki was trying to tie his own tie - and failing miserably. He'd done it so many times before…Why couldn't he do it now?

Oh yes…Because a part of his family had _died._

As he held the two ends of the tie in his hands, staring down at them, willing them together with his eyes, he couldn't help but let the wave of sadness crash over him. Kaoru had died. A part of his family was gone forever. A friend had been lost.

When he regained his consciousness, he realized that two hands had taken the ends of his tie from him.

"You're so hopeless, you can't even tie this yourself," a familiar voice mumbled, sighing in disbelief.

The blonde blushed, realizing that it was Kyouya who was helping him. He almost felt as though he should respond, but he couldn't find any words in order to do so. When his raven haired companion was finished with his work, the blonde thanked him quietly.

Everyone was heading out to the limousine. On the way, Haruhi questioned if Hikaru wanted someone to sit with him. When he answered; _no_, Honey told Haruhi that she could sit with Mori and him. She accepted his offer.

Once everyone was seated in the limousine, everyone went into their own stages of preparations for what they were about to face. Tamaki held Kyouya's hand, tightly. Honey clung to Mori's arm, with Haruhi stroking her fingers through his hair, gently. Hikaru sat alone, in a daze. He knew what was going on…He just wished it wasn't happening.

**--**

When they pulled up at the gates, everyone got out slowly. Tamaki released Kyouya's hand, not sure if the male was comfortable or not with a public display of affection. Sure, their friends had seen them together, but they would be seen now by _more_ than just their friends. Kyouya side glanced the blonde, and understood his expression _too_ well. Silently, he reached out, and took the males hand in his once more. Tamaki's eyes grew a little, as he felt the grip.

Haruhi had her hand on Honey's shoulder, and Mori was walking in silence on the other side of the small, blonde male. Hikaru walked behind everyone. He noted Tamaki and Kyouya's linked hands. He was happy for them, even though he was _miserable _for himself. At least his friends could find hope, even in the most desperate of times. Everyone walked in silence, fearing to break the quiet that had overtaken the group. The only sounds that they could hear, were the sounds of their shoes on the pavement. But this sound changed when they transferred over to the grass.

As everyone gathered around the place that was designated as their friends new home, an immense feeling of sorrow, washed over them. _This was it. _This was the moment they had all hoped so _desperately_ to never have to face. And yet, here they were. Footsteps approached the site, and Haruhi turned to look. A familiar face. She looked down to Honey, and directed him over to Mori, so that she could go to the new arrival. When she reached him, he hugged her, tightly.

"Oh Haruhi, I'm so sorry," he murmured.

That was her breaking point. She couldn't stop the tears. She didn't want to _try._

"_Dad…" _She whispered, clutching his shirt in her hands.

He smoothed her hair down, feeling badly for his child. Kaoru had been a friend of hers…A _good_ friend. He still remembered meeting the Hitachiin twins. They had seemed so utterly _inseparable…_

He lead Haruhi back to the group, keeping an arm around her.

**--**

A man that didn't even know the person he was talking about, was babbling away about how great he'd been. But they couldn't hear him. They were too busy mourning. Honey was clutching Mori's shirt sleeve in his hands, and trembling, as each and every tear rolled down his cheeks. Mori didn't say anything, nor did he cry, but his face held such remorse…

Haruhi was wrapped in her Father's arms, wishing she wasn't breaking down. But she was unable to stop it. Tamaki was crying too, and Kyouya had wrapped an arm around him, in comfort.

But Hikaru was the most heartbreaking sight of all. He was staring at the coffin. In it, his double lie, forever asleep. They couldn't see him, but knowing he was there, was more than enough. The auburn haired male grit his teeth, and clenched his fists.

_No. He _should be the one in that coffin. _Not Kaoru. _Not someone who was so deserving of life…And friends…And love…

His whole frame shook as he tried not to cry. Tried not to give in to weakness. People he didn't know, were lowering the coffin into the ground. His brother. His _twin. _He would never hug his best friend again. He would never laugh with him, joke with him, tease people with him…They would make no new memories. They would never again poke fun at their friends.

_He would never be whole again._

Dirt slowly began to cover the coffin. His friends were crying all around him, but he couldn't hear. All he could do was watch as the coffin disappeared. Could only see his brother vanishing from him forever. He couldn't hear anymore. Even after the diggers had wandered away. Even after the Priest had offered his condolences. There was an underwater effect to everyone's words. He was sure they weren't important anyways. There was nothing that could be said in order to fix him.

_Not when half of his soul was buried in the Earths surface._

"Hikaru?" Haruhi's voice questioned from his left. Having barely heard her, he turned his head in her direction, slowly. He didn't want to speak. He didn't know what to say. Had she asked a question? Or had she simply uttered his name? He didn't even know…

"We're going back to the car," she told him gently. Still, he didn't bother with an answer. He didn't know what she was saying anymore. He probably didn't _want_ to know anyways. He turned his head back to the pile of dirt before him.

Haruhi didn't know what else to do. She told him they'd wait for him, and headed off slowly, along with the rest of the host club - and her Father. Hikaru just stood there, staring. He wasn't sure how much time was passing. He had no real way of knowing. But rain began to trickle down, and soon enough, he was out in a downpour. He couldn't care less. He tilted his head up, to face the dark clouds that were looming over him. They tried to threaten him with deep sounds of thunder, and bright flashes of lightning. But he didn't feel fear. He just laughed. Laughed because the clouds were trying to scare him, and they couldn't. Laughed because he should be running for his life, to the safety of the car.

_Laughed because every remaining piece of his sanity was disappearing from underneath him._

Tears mixed with rain, and for a moment, he wondered why he was crying. But another look to the dirt pile before him, reminded him of what he already knew.

His twin was _dead._

"Kaoru…" He murmured, allowing himself to fall to his knees. His fingers brushed over the muddied ground. The ground his brother was buried in…

"_KAORU!" _He called out, howling in despair.

All he wanted was his brother. That was all he had ever had in this world. That was his life source, his best friend, his better half…

_Kaoru was part of his soul._

He didn't know whether he should smile or cry. He laid himself down, carefully, on the soil of his brothers grave.

"Kaoru," he whispered to the Earth…Whispered to no one in particular, for there was no one there to listen.

"Kaoru…_I love you_…So I'll stay by your side…'Till you wake up."

Hikaru closed his eyes as he lie in the mud. The rain soaked through his clothes, and he didn't mind in the least. He couldn't feel anything anymore. Not his ruined hand, not his soaking wet clothes, not the mud he was lying in…_Nothing. _He was as close to Kaoru as he could get.

_And he never wanted to move again._

**(A.N: Okay, so this isn't terribly long - and I apologize for that, but I do like how it turned out. I hope you guys don't hurt me for writing such a morbid little chapter? And I hope you'll review? I love you guys? -Sweat drop-)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**(A.N: Gaaah!!! I'm sorry that I haven't updated this in so long! I hope you guys will forgive me for not posting sooner…WARNING: POSSIBLE OOC - NESS. There's a scene in italics where one of the characters flashes back on something that has previously been said. Dashes are scene changes or time passing****…And if you still love me, R&R?)**

**--**

When he opened his eyes, he wasn't where he'd thought he would be. He didn't remember taking a shower…In fact, he didn't remember coming home at all. He must have fallen asleep in the cemetery. Which means that his friends had brought him back home. He stared down at his cast covered wrist and hand. He stared, but he didn't see.

He heard voices in the hallway. Gentle, quiet voices. Sad talking.

_His friends._

Right. They were upset too, though, not as upset as he _himself_ happened to be. How could they be, when Kaoru had not been their family? The person they relied on the _most…_

"Hika-chan hasn't come out of his room yet…Is he going to be okay?" That was Honey. Hikaru had no doubts about it. He was the only host club member who had decided to nickname him.

"Not yet, but later." It was a short answer in a deep voice. Mori, of course, because Honey was almost _never_ separated from him.

"Would some cake make him feel better?" The Lolita boy wondered sadly.

"Not likely."

"Come on, we shouldn't stand out here like this…We'll only end up bothering him." That was Kyouya. The words sounded harsh to the others, but they brought Hikaru some comfort. At least _someone _understood that he needed to be alone.

"But Kyouya…Shouldn't we do something to help?" How interesting…Tamaki sounded so much _different_ than usual…Perhaps it was because he was _sad._

"There isn't anything we _can_ do. Right now, he needs us to let him be," once again Kyouya's words sounded sharp and hurtful. But the auburn haired male he was referring to, felt relieved.

"Where's Haru-chan?" Honey's high and sweet - yet oh so sad - voice was heard once more.

"She hasn't come out of her room yet…She said she didn't want to come down," Kyouya informed them simply, and Hikaru heard them moving, so the raven must be signaling them to start walking.

Their conversation continued, but he'd stopped paying attention. Haruhi wasn't out of her room yet? Hm…How _odd. _Usually she'd be out by now…And - by what he'd seen in their last catastrophe-type moment - she would be trying to come up with a way to keep the others out of Hikaru's hair, as they tried to do something for him. _Anything._

_But she was locked away in her room._

He couldn't be bothered with giving it much thought. He couldn't think about much of _anything. _All he could do was stare aimlessly at random things as he tried to not remember the person he'd lost.

**--**

As the days past and melted into weeks, everyone grew more and more concerned. Hikaru hadn't come down in ages. He wasn't speaking, and they were beginning to wonder if he was still _breathing…_

And - to make things worse - Haruhi hadn't been coming out of her room either…So her Father had finally decided to do something about it.

"Haruhi," he called through the door. He kept his voice Fatherly, and kind. He didn't want to upset her anymore than she already happened to be. But when no answer reached his ears, he sighed, and opened the door. It was then that he understood why she wasn't speaking to him. She wasn't awake. She had herself curled up around her pillow, and she was fast asleep.

"Poor thing," he murmured. His heart truly went out to Hikaru though…He'd lost his twin. That must be _eating him alive._

He didn't waste his time. He gathered her things and packed her suitcase. With this completed, he placed it outside of her bedroom door, before he set his attention on her once more. As carefully as he could, he picked her up - bridal style. With his daughter cradled against his chest - something that hadn't happened in years - he stepped out of the door. He had wondered how he was going to get her suitcase and his own small bag outside to his car, but he didn't have to worry about it for long. When he was in the hallway, Honey closed the door to Haruhi's room, and when Ranka looked down - he saw the small blonde male had his bag in his hands. Mori was standing nearby, holding Haruhi's suitcase.

**--**

When she woke up, she recognized her surroundings…But this wasn't where she'd gone to sleep. When she'd gotten herself out of bed, and freshened up, she wandered into her living room. He was there, _waiting._

"Dad?"

That's all it took to grab his attention. One simple word; a name that only _his child _could call him.

"Haruhi…" A gentle smile, hoping she wouldn't cry.

She surprised him though. She _didn't_ cry. She _smiled_ - although it was extremely small. And then she wandered over to her Mother's miniature shrine. When she sat down before her picture, she didn't speak. She sat there and watched her forever still-framed face.

_A bittersweet memory._

That's all her Mother could be to her now. She had died so long ago, but Haruhi still missed her. Although, she had coped a lot better these past few years…Until now. Now she missed her all over again. And she knew why. There was so much more to it than losing her friend.

"_YOU HAVE __**NO IDEA **__WHAT IT'S LIKE! Feeling like maybe __**you**__ should have been the one to __**go! **__Feeling like maybe you could have done something to __**help**__ them! DON'T ACT LIKE YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!"_

Those had been the words that Hikaru had yelled at her. She didn't want to admit it, but hearing him say it had hurt her. _Deeply. _It had been the reason that she had locked herself away in that mansion that they called a _house. _He'd told her she didn't understand. But didn't she? She'd lost her Mother all those years ago.

_At least Hikaru had had Kaoru until __**now.**_

"Haruhi?"

She looked to her Father,

"I think…I'll go visit Mom."

**--**

_Mirrors. _There were mirrors _everywhere. _

There was one in every direction. And when he tried to turn away, he was faced with another. But he kept on moving, turning…

But it was no use. No matter which direction he turned himself in, there would always be a mirror…His own image reflecting back to his amber eyes. The auburn hair. The face.

Why did it bother him so much? It was just a reflection…It was only _him._

His stomach curled at the thought.

Only him. He was _alone._

As his realization came into focus, the mirrors surrounded him. _Alone_…He was alone.

"Hikaru…" That soft voice spoke his name and he looked all around himself…Looking for his twin.

But all he could see was himself - _alone._

"KAORU?!" Alone. So alone…Where was Kaoru? He kept on looking, but the mirrors had him enclosed, and Kaoru's voice was ringing in his ears…

He reached up quickly, covering his ears with his hands. But the voice still spoke. And as he looked ahead of himself, he could see Kaoru's tombstone and the freshly dug up Earth that covered his coffin.

_No. No…Too real, too much __**pain…**_

He clamped his hands down tighter, and squeezed his eyes shut.

_No…Kaoru couldn't be gone….No…_

"_**KAORU!!!" **_His voice reverberated off the mirrors…But his screams could not drown out his brother's voice. The mirrors cracked around him, and finally shattered. He barely noticed when the shards came flying. Slicing into his flesh, marking him…_Ruining him…_

When he finally managed to open his eyes, he looked in front of himself. One large mirror, with pieces of it missing, but mainly still intact. He looked so different…There were bloodstains on his clothing…Long cuts etched across his body.

_The glass had made him into a human __**canvas.**_

**--**

As he stepped into the main room, his friends turned to look at him.

"Hika-chan!" Honey called out, leaning over the back of the couch. His sad brown eyes watched as the male grunted in response. Hikaru didn't even raise his head.

"It's good to see you up and about," Kyouya commented from another couch.

The addressed male lifted his head just enough to glance at his friends,

"…Where's Haruhi?"

"Her Father took her home, because he was worried about her," the raven spoke once more.

"…"

"She wasn't coming out of her room while she was here," Tamaki added quietly, and Kyouya took over once more,

"We knew why _you_ didn't come out of your room…But we couldn't understand why she locked _herself _up in hers as well."

Hikaru lifted his head a little more.

"I wonder if it had to do with her Mother," Tamaki's quiet voice spoke again.

"Her Mother?" Honey turned his attention to the taller blonde.

"Yes. Her Mother passed away when Haruhi was still very young…So I wonder if losing a friend brought up old memories for her."

**--**

"You would _really like them, _Mom…Mori-senpai is a quiet person, and Honey-senpai is so small, and cute…Kyouya-senpai sometimes makes it seem like he doesn't care about what's going on around him, but I think that senpai…Well, _Tamaki-senpai, _is changing him. And you would have loved senpai. He's so much like Dad. And then there's Hikaru…And he's a bit tough on his exterior, but that's because he grew up with only his twin brother to rely on…" She was seated before her Mother's tombstone, and had already set down an offering for her.

"But he's sweet deep down…He cares about his friends…I guess he's kind of like Kaoru - only a little rougher around the edges," she smiled, as if her Mother could see her. But the smile turned sad as she continued,

"Kaoru was always a little more _gentle_ about things. And he loved Hikaru - _more than anything. _You would have loved meeting them all, Mom."

Haruhi sighed as she thought about how she wanted to word what she wanted to say.

"Hey Mom?" Nothing but silence greeted her ears…Though she felt as though her Mother was listening.

"Will you do me a favour?" Once again, nothing but silence. She tried to smile, but her eyes were stinging,

"Will you watch over Kaoru?" Her voice turned weak as her vision blurred over,

"I know he's up there with you…And I know that you've been spending a lot of time watching over Dad and me…But…Can you keep your eye on him instead?" She swallowed hard, trying to get past the lump that had built itself up in her throat,

"You don't have to worry about me anymore…I've got plenty of friends who watch over me all the time…And Dad…And I watch over Dad too…" Tears slid from her eyes, and she wiped them away, hastily. But they wouldn't stop falling.

**--**

He was listening. He'd tracked her down, because he couldn't help but worry. Even after his greatest loss, he still had to be concerned. Sure, he couldn't really look anyone in the eye yet - with good reason. But that didn't mean he couldn't care…Right?

Besides, he had figured out for himself why Haruhi had locked herself away. He had told her not to act like she knew how he felt. He'd _screamed it _at her. He'd beaten himself up over it the whole way to the cemetery too.

_How could he have forgotten that her Mother had __**died?**_

He needed to apologize.

**--**

It was so strange to her, but it felt as though a hand - a cold, but familiar hand - had traced its fingers across the top of her head. As if the person had reached out as they passed by…

Her head shot up - she'd buried it in her hands - and she turned in the direction where the cold touch had trailed away.

"…Hikaru?"

"…" He didn't answer. He felt guilty now…_So guilty_…Because he'd yelled at someone who hadn't deserved it. Because he'd pushed her away when she'd offered to _help_ him…

_Because he had __**forced himself **__to be __**alone.**_

"I uh…My contacts slipped," she told him, standing up. She wiped her eyes with her Host jacket sleeves.

Two long, slender arms encircled her, and pulled her against a body.

"…Hikaru?"

"I'm sorry," he answered, holding her closer,

"I'm sorry, Haruhi…"

**--**

**(A.N: It's not over yet, but that's all for this chapter…I'll try to not make you guys wait too long before I post again. -Sweatdrop- GOMEN NASAI ABOUT THE WAIT!)**


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